


Richie Tozier Talks Coming Out

by TheMarshamallowQueen



Category: IT (2017), IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King, IT Chapter 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Comedian Richie Tozier, Movie: IT Chapter Two (2019), Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-20 16:48:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21059927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMarshamallowQueen/pseuds/TheMarshamallowQueen
Summary: Richie talks about coming out and finally getting the love of his life during his stand up, or well, as much as he say can without mentioning the alien killer clown that almost killed everyone he ever loved.





	Richie Tozier Talks Coming Out

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic like this, and the first I publish here instead of Tumblr. Kinda just word vomit but hope it can entertain you at least! Also I got lazy with the end sorry.

** _[Richie Trashmouth Tozier everybody!] _ **

Thank you, thank you! Goodnight New York! I know people say that at the end of the show but I mean I couldn’t say good morning… because its night. Obviously. But I also feel weird saying hello, does that ever happen to you guys? When you go up on stage and you have to say hello? Like hello? It’s a weird word. Hello. Right? No? Just me? Ok. Only you think the word hello is weird Richie, gotta check that off the repertoire.

_ [chuckles]_

Yeah, repertoire. That’s a word I say now. Repertoire. It sounds so fancy doesn’t it, like a guy like me definitely shouldn’t be using words that sophisticated. Repertoooiiirrree. Sounds French, almost, no? Oui? Yeah. That’s right. I speak French too. I’m a whole new man since I came out as gay! Yeah! Yeah! Cheer for the gay! Come on! Cheer my gayness! Woo!

_[cheers and cackles of laughter] _

Yeah, in case you’ve been living under a rock, or just don’t give a shit about me, you might be confused. That…guy…is gay? No way! Look at him! He looks homeless! Well, newsflash lady. Gay people can be homeless too. Yeah, that’s right! We gays can do whatever we want! If we want to be homeless or just look homeless, we’ll DO. THAT. TOO!

_ [laughs] _

Yessssssss. Yes. I came out, last month. Thank you, thank you. I came out in a tweet. You know? The coward’s way to come out? Well, I mean it is! I just tweeted like “Wazzaaaa internet, guess what? I like to suck diCK! The only woman I ever fucked is my boyfriend’s mom! Goodnight!” and that was that, I deleted the app and never went in again.

_ [chuckles]_

Nah, I’m kidding I use twitter a lot lately. Apparently I’m a “gay icon” now? Which I don’t know how, but thank. You. Twitter. I am truly flattered. It makes the Twitter experience a hundred percent more enjoyable to be honest. Before I was in the “Weirdly Attractive Celebrity” category and then this month I moved to “The Only White Man You Can Trust”, I don’t know what either of those things mean, but I’m told it’s a vast improvement.

_ [light chuckles]_

So yeah, a lot of changes since I came out. I know fancy words, I speak French, I even perfected my British accent. Soon enough you’ll see me dressing like I actually know what fashion is, and then ain’t no lady gon’ be able to tell me I look homeless no mo’. Honestly if it was up to my friend Beverly Marsh, I would only ever wear designer clothes.

_ [cheers]_

Yeah, yeah. Long live designer clothes. Oh, wait, wait, were you guys cheering for Bev?

_ [louder cheers]_

Oh so you were, huh. Well you know what, fuck Bev. Yeah that’s right, fuck her. Nah, I’m kidding. Bev was one of the first people I ever told I was gay. Yeah that’s right, we’re getting right down to business now fellas. And Bev, she wasn’t like “I support you no matter what and I’ll always love you. It doesn’t matter what people say you are amazing and deserve to be loved and blah blah blah” like Bill, and that’s Bill Denborough because I am absolutely name dropping every one of my famous friends, hey, no. No, no, no, no, no. Don’t cheer for him. It gives him an ego. Come on guys.

_ [I LOVE BILL!]_

_[cheers] _

Ya done? Ok, if I might carry on, she wasn’t all high and mighty like my friend Stan that just went “Was that supposed to be a secret?” cause yeah Stan, now is the perfect moment to be a condescending little shit. Read the room, you fucker.

_ [chuckles]_

No Bev wasn’t like that, see. We were behind the bleachers, sharing a joint, in complete and utter silence. Because Bev was cool, and I wanted to be cool, and cool people didn’t need to chatter the day away, which is exactly why I was never cool. And I just blurted it out I was like “immahomosexualalsocanyoupassmethejointnow” as cool people do, and she just went “wait your damn turn” and smiled at me. And that was that. Now, that might not seem like a lot but for 15 year old Richie that was a godsend. Because Bev was, and still is the coolest person in the world, and if she didn’t care, then maybe it was okay. So yeah, my only friend with rights, as the youths call it, is Bev.

Sorry Bill and Stan but, ya suck. Also I fucked your moms. We had a threesome, it was great.

_ [chuckles] _

Sorry, I’m contractually obligated to tell all of my friends I fucked their moms if I mention them in a set. Don’t laugh, it’s true!

_[light laughs] _

Whatever, don’t believe me then, I don’t care. You might be wondering, how did the rest of your friends react when you told them? Well, Mike, one of my hottest friends, I would put him in first place but there is also Ben, so I’d say they share the number one spot. Wait what was I saying?

_[light laughs] _

Oh, right. Mike. Well, basically that interaction boiled down to “You have a girlfriend?” “No I’m gay” “You have a boyfriend?” “No” “Haha nerd” and then he flexed his muscly arms until I cried. True story.

_[laughs]_

Then when I told Ben, I didn’t really mean to tell Ben. It was the first time I’d seen him in years, and he got HOT. And so that is just constantly in my mind, and we are staying at the same shitty hotel that is actually a house and has only one bathroom, and he comes out of the bathroom in his half naked godlike glory and standing there, looking at his toned ass body the first thing out of my mouth is just automatically “Fuck me” and he isn’t even fazed, he just smiles and goes “Sadly I’m straight Rich, but I think Eddie’s available” and leaves me standing in the hallway wondering if that really just happened. Again, a hundred percent true story.

_ [laughs] _

And lastly, what you’ve all been waiting for, how I told my Eds Spagheds I was gay as fuck for him. My lovely Eddie, Eddie Spaghetti as I affectionately call him. You know he told me today, you can talk about me if you want but DON’T call me spaghetti or say you don’t like me. Well, sorry Eddie Spaghetti, but you ARE my Edward Spaghetward and I love you so much.

_ [laughs and cheers]_

When Eds and I saw each other again after about 23 years he was married. To a WOMAN. Can you guys believe my Spaghetti was married to a woman? I mean, I’m gay. But, he’s gay. And when I asked him, I was like “What to like a woman?” and he just went “FUCK YOU BRO” which, is certainly not how I was hoping it would turn out. In my mind he was going to say “Yes, but I’m leaving her and we are going to run away together into the sunshine and get married and adopt a bunch of gay cats to live in our rainbow colored house in Canada”, because come on, that’s like, the dream.

_ [chuckles] _

Regardless, my little gay heart could handle it, barely, but I held on. Yeah, I did okay. I definitely didn’t cry myself to sleep in Stan’s bedroom while drinking ice cream, that’s ridiculous.

_ [laughs]_

Yeah, laugh it up, wait ‘til it happens to you! And so, you know the classic story. Boy loves boy. But boy is married to girl. But then married boy gets stabbed by a psycho and other boy saves his life and married boy realizes he’s done pretending but he’s also about to die so he tells other boy that he fucked his mom, before promptly passing out. And then other boy is in fucking despair because the love of his life could die. But then he doesn’t die. And he wakes up. And the first thing he says is “I’m in love with you”.

Can you believe that little shit? Who gave him the right to be so damn dramatic? Who? He didn’t have to go that far. He is the reason us gays get the reputation as over dramatic. He is. He really is. So yeah I never really got to “come out” to Eds, because as soon as he said those five little words I kissed him, even though he had been stabbed in the face, and the rest is history.

_ [cheers] _

Yeah! Woooooooooohoooo! Love me some gay dramatic romance in a stand up show! Hell yes! Let’s go gayyyyyyyyyyyys!

_[LETS GO GAYS! LETS GOOO!] _

_[louder cheers] _

So, when I came out, you know to the general public, I got a lot of questions, and a lot, and I mean a LOT of them, were about Stefon. I’m still sure Stefon is more famous than me, but you know what, Stefon deserves it so that’s okay.

_[cheers]_

But people kept asking, was Stefon inspired by how you saw yourself? Was he your true self? Did you draw inspiration from being gay yourself? What?! Stefon was a 30 year-old e-boy before e-boys were a thing! And even he dressed better than me! Of course he wasn’t inspired by me! Look at me! He was a chaotic gay sure, but I’m obviously a disaster gay! There. Is. A. Difference. People!

_ [loud laughter] _

My boyfriend though? Yeah he is a hundred percent a chaotic gay, he’s also a “can’t drive gay”, which is ironic because I can drive, but he never lets me drive. At this point I’m just like “babe, just let me drive, you don’t want me to die this young, right?” and he of course, lovingly responds “SHUT THE FUCK UP RICHE I SWEAR TO GOD YOU DIRTY OLD TRASHMOUTH I CAN DRIVE JUST FINE FUCK YOU, YOU LITTLE SHIT”. As you can see, we are perfect for each other.

_ [laughs]_


End file.
